September and music...

I'm not sure if music is playing with my feelings or what... but lately, starting from the very beginning of September till now, it's been ridiculously suspicious (if that makes sense)! September last year, quite many not good things happened, so I had spent so much time listening to No Surprise - Daughtry and Far Away - Nickleback. Clearly, these two songs will bring me flashbacks, tons of memories of what happened back in September 2011 if I happen to hear it anytime.

Usually, I let the music player (either iTunes or my phone) shuffle the music for me, and I will just listen to anything. The two songs mentioned above have always been THERE in the list, but they were like rarely played before September. However, strangely, they were played really really often this month. It's like every time I listen to music, the music player would shuffle to either one of the songs, or sometimes BOTH. Worst, during my ride under the dark grey sky with such cool breezes - depressing weather - these two songs are played. LIKE SERIOUSLY? I could have had the courage to kill myself if the level of depression had hit its max. @@

So... I'm just wondering... is this some kinda joke? fate? coincidence? or whatever?

Forever and a day...

I'll adore you forever and a day even if you're not here to stay
I'll listen to you forever and a day even if you got nothing to say
I'll hold your hand forever and a day even if it's hard for me to stay
I'll walk beside you forever and a day even if we have to go a long way

I'll laugh with you forever and a day, that's something we should put on replay
I'll smile with you forever and a day, that's something we do to keep pain away
I'll joke with you forever and a day, that's something we do to keep us gay
I'll be with you forever and a day, that's something we wish, and forever we pray

....................................................................................................................................

Homophobia

Okay, I have homophobia. The term itself is already clear enough for you to understand what it is, I guess. But if you're not sure, then here it is... the definition of Homophobia that I got from wikipedia, lol.  Homophobia is a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. It is also said in the website that homophobia is observable in critical and hostile behavior such as DISCRIMINATION and VIOLENCE on the basis of sexual orientations that are non-heterosexual.

Some people might have been told or might have noticed that I do discriminate some gays or lesbians. Very often, I tell people that I can't really stand homosexual people, and that I may commit crime by using violence with them. (LOL sounds cruel, yeah? but that's just the way I am!!) Anyways, I'm not saying I hate all homosexual people. I think there are some gays or lesbians that I actually respect... say, Ellen DeGeneres? Neil Patrick Harris?   Frank Ocean? Hehe... I love how they can bravely come out of the closet, be who they really are, and make such a great impact in whatever they're doing, lol. So, clearly, people like them deserve to be respected. But some gays and lesbians in Cambodia? I don't know... but the second I own license to kill, they will be the first ones to say hello the death!!! @@ Now I seem to have no humanity left in me, lol.

Alright, wonder why I'm blogging about this phobia of mine? :D Today is my very first day being host sister of a Japanese student. I went to pick her up from the hotel, and on the way back to my house, we had a small talk. The first question she asked me was: Do you have a boyfriend? No, I don't... I said with a smiling face. Then, not knowing what to ask back, I responded "and you?" (LOL stupid question ahaha) Well, she also said no... and then I just giggled a little bit. What happened next shocked me, lol. She suddenly told me she has no interests in boys. WTF!!! There, I screamed out loud in my brain... but really, from that second on, I started to feel weird, I started to doubt if she likes girls, what if she likes me? LMAO funny thoughts, but scary indeed!!! Anyways, only 2 days left to be with her, hope everything's gonna be alright... HAHAHA

...a year has gone, have I moved on?

Well, the answer is I DON'T KNOW TOO!!!

Okay, I decided to blog something a bit personal today, but it's alright... I guess? and I'll make it really short too.

Today last year at around this time (9ish night time), shit happened! IT DID! I still don't know why now, but it did. There are times I just wanna go to him and ask for the clear reasons, what went wrong, what didn't work out, why couldn't we make it the way we both had always wanted! But I have no guts to do that... maybe I'm just afraid to hear the answer or something? I don't know too, but my brain is full of the possible reasons which I've been guessing all by myself within this one year, and this is frustrating you know...

People, usually my close people, have been asking me if I have completely moved on, but really, "move on"? What is it? How does one really feel when he/she has moved on? How to know if we're totally over someone? I do think of him sometimes and of our time together... but isn't that normal? I mean, everybody has their own emotional time; of that I'm sure. Plus, it is also impossible to completely totally forget someone, right? So, are remembering and still thinking of it sometimes considered as "not moving on"? I'm sorry for having so many questions; I'm just so confused right now...

Mind letting me know what you think down below? Perhaps, it would enlighten me...

A quick complaint... A quick update!!!

A quick complaint: Dang it, why are you doing this to me??? This month, I've made myself committed to blogging. How I wish I could blog every single day... But this is what happens to me almost always! When I have things on my mind that I can blog about, situation does not allow me to do so, if you know what I mean. Then when I get back home, being ready to put my thoughts into words and all that, I literally forget everything... :| Worst, when I turn every thing off, trying to get myself to sleep, I usually remember what I, a moment ago, intended to blog about. So, this is what I did last night... when out of the blue, I remember things, I turned on my laptop again and got myself ready to write. And there it went again... I FORGOT WHAT I WANTED TO WRITE AGAIN!!! What kind of memory is this? ><"

A quick update: Huhu, the full-time job is coming so soon, and I'm kinda psyched about this! I was just informed yesterday night that there is this important meeting at my full-time workplace this Saturday! Not until then did I realize I've never had an appropriate set of girl's clothes, lol. (DANG IT!!!) I have to go shopping like NOW!!! Later folks :P

Weird realization from my 21st birthday!

According to Cambodia time zone, my birthday has gone for 41 minutes already at the point I started writing this post. I did have an incredible birthday this year, but I know it is very simple to a lot of you, readers. Maybe the hard time I encountered last year taught me how to appreciate these simple, yet memorable memories lol~

Anyways, what I actually want to share with you guys today is my weird realization of something!!! Guess what it is? :D Naw, I bet you have no clue, lol. So, this year, up till now, I got two cakes... one from my former WS lecturer (maybe you'll be reading this later, so I'd better say thank you again haha) and his gangs, and another one from my homies (my family lol)... I had to blow the candles and cut the cake twice! Let me share with you something funny about me. When it comes to blowing candles, you have no idea how nervous I am inside... because I'm just afraid that when I blow, I could accidentally blow the saliva along with the air LMAO... and that would just ruin the cake and embarrass myself, wouldn't it? Another thing is cutting the cake; it is somehow very nerves racking too as I always don't really know how to cut the cake beautifully, and equally for everyone! I have very little confidence in holding the knife. Or am I just worried too much? Haha... I don't really know, but that happens!

I'd been wondering about this for too long until just a moment ago, I sat down trying to think of all the birthday parties I used to have. I tried to recall each time I blew the candles and cut the cakes... and that was when I realized I had never really done any of those, probably only few times so far in my life , lol. When I was a kid, I had some birthday parties yeah... but I could barely remember! But from what I saw in the photos, my parents helped me blow the candles and cut the cake, so I didn't really do any of those things! Some other birthday parties, there was no birthday cake AT ALL! And some other other times, there was no candle, and my friends and I would all just dug in the cake without cutting, lol. SEE? I've never really done those things, that's why I lack of experience of blowing candles and cutting cakes WAHAHA...~ This may sound stupid to you, readers... but I already mentioned in the title that it is a WEIRD realization :)

Well, once again, thanks everybody for this year wonderful birthday memories!!! <3

Alright, time out for now... movie time!!! More later...

Just another unforgettable gift

Here I am after a huge while of no blogging! Miss me? I bet you do... Anyways, what brought me here to day is the fact that I received another unforgettable gift from my loving and caring mom this morning! So far, the best birthday gifts I got from my mom are the desk, the electric keyboard for kid (haha), and the Sailor Moon bicycle... She gave me a lot more gifts than those, just that they were not birthday gifts. As my birthday and my graduation day are around the corner, today one more item enters the list, that is the brand new watch (Royal London) <3 Again, thanks mom!

It is the most expensive watch I have ever possessed, and I never thought that I would possess such thing too, but mom, you made my never turn into ever. The reason of writing this entry is not to thank my mom because the watch is expensive... I just feel overwhelmed by what she has given me in life, by how hard she tried to save up to provide me good stuffs that I need, and by the fact that she only cares about her children, but not herself. She has given me the best life, and I couldn't  be selfish to ask for more!

Anyways, as I am now wearing my Royal London watch, I stare at it, and I have turned it into one of my inspirations :D I usually turn my valuable possessions into my inspirations so that I can turn to them when I'm down, lol. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Since this gift is for my birthday, my graduation, and the starting of my full-time teaching career, I promise myself (or the watch, lol) that I will work hard, and not to disappoint my parents. Also, as mentioned above, the brand of my watch is Royal London... and that really helps motivate me a lot to realize my dream of pursuing my master's degree in the United Kingdom!!! Now how about that? :D

Mom, Dad, I hope you're proud of having me just as much as I am proud of having you <3