Our complications :)

It's the kind of friendship no one besides us will understand. EVER. And that's okay. No one needs to know or understand this. I'm so glad we've got each other. And that's all that matters. :)

Well done, Souzana!

you did it. you completely ruined everything. are you happy now? is this what you want? use your fcking brain next time!!!

i couldn't...~

November 22, 2015.

I couldn't stop thinking.
I couldn't stop weeping.
I couldn't stop recalling.
I couldn't sleep.

My chest was in pain. My heart was aching. My head wanted to burst into pieces.

Hi... from the UK

Hello there, bloggie! It has been way too long since I last talked to you. I guess you have every right to be mad at me now given that I've made a promise sometime ago that I will be talking to you more often and then I disappeared. Just like that.

Well... I'm in the UK now. Remember the post I wrote about the gift my mom gave me? Remember I made a promise that I will work hard to get here? I kept that promise anyway. I made it. I know I should be happy... I was happy... Maybe I'll be happy again too... but as of now, allow me to be sad/stressed out/depressed or whatever you decide to call.

I have been here for a week now, and to tell you the truth, it's prolly the loneliest week I've ever had. I know almost everyone, if not all, is thinking that I'm having fun on this new land because it's like my dream is realising itself as a reality. I had thought that I'd be like that too before coming here... but now that I'm here, I'm lonely. More than ever.

Since I got here, I only talk to a few people because I can't avoid them. I didn't join any school activities. I didn't go to meet the other Cheveners. I didn't keep in touch with the Cambodian Cheveners. I don't know why, but I really don't feel like talking to any of them. Am I going to be that weird Asian kid at school who talks to no one? Hopefully no. But that will really depend on my mood. So, we'll see...

As of now, I'm so stressed out. I don't even know exactly what I want to say to you, bloggie. I'm sorry for always coming here wanting to share with you but always ending up beating around the bush. Truth be told, I'm so lost. I wish sharing this to an actual human being weren't so tough. But sadly, I can't do it. I miss going to work. I miss talking to my students. I miss preparing lessons. I miss coming home to see mom and dad and everyone else although I still don't like the house I live in. But it's still better than now. Coming home to no one... sucks. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I feel like I'm a lost soul... wandering in between Cambodia and UK. I wish things would get better soon... it's been only a week after all. Many more to come... hmmm... goodbye for now. Take care, bloggie.

...therefore, I shall be alone~

I'm down, but you're tired; therefore, I shall be alone.
I'm bored, but you're busy; therefore, I shall be alone.
I need someone to talk to, but you have someone else to talk to, too; therefore, I shall be alone.
I want someone to hang out with, but you have someone else to hang out with, too; therefore, I shall be alone.
I'm used to being alone now; therefore, I shall be alone.

It all makes sense...~

...I'm lost...

Whoa... so, I am sure now that I really have no one to talk to... By that, I mean someone with whom I can talk about literally everything! I've tried... though without success to confide in... I really have tried, but it didn't work~ I feel like they are so stressed out with their own stuffs already, how could I be so selfish to bother them with my stuffs? right? Hmmm... I'm tired! I'm lost! and for the very first time, I admit that I do feel lonely now... There must be something wrong with the way I am now... but what is it?

My level of visibility reaches ZERO at times!

Hey... It's been awhile! Sorry for being away for too long! I already failed to keep my promise, I know... and I'm sorry! Well, I'm here now... and that means I have something quite emotional to share again!

My siblings... I love them! I've always loved them, and always will, but there's just one thing that really hurts me at times. It seems to me that I'm seen only when I'm needed. When an entertainer is needed, I am seen! Totally visible! But on normal days, like today, I'm like a ghost or something... walk back and forth without even being talked to! I'm tired of being considered as just a clown of the family... you know...